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news from the world of facial hair and weight loss two things regarding my physical self are reaching heretofore unknown extremes as of late. the first is my beard. it's never been so long, so puffy, so...majestic? it's just about out of control, i have difficulty walking when the wind blows. it is not quite tight enough to hold a pencil, or any other light utility object, which is unfortunate. i'm surprised noone at work has complained yet. i think it will be trimmed soon. the other item is my weight. much of it is gone now. i have never been at this weight and this height at the same time. i better send my tapeworm a Christmas card, i guess. seriously though, the scale has become something i look forward to seeing, especially now that i can actually read the numbers myself, without using a complex mirror system to see around my John Kruk-esque midsection. i wonder how much weight i would lose if i trimmed my beard? could make a noticeable difference, since our digital scale measures to a tenth of a pound. i also need a haircut, before hockey fans begin to ask for my autograph. that is all

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