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Now Hiring warning, the following entry make have been processed in a facility that also processes humor, and may contain trace elements of humor, however slight. A friend of mine recently remarked, "you should write down all those interesting things you say and publish them in a book", or something to that effect. While the idea certainly strokes my ego till it purrs like a happy kitty, it seems like a project that too narcissistic even for me, if you can believe that. "Hey, what are you doing?" "Oh, I'm just writing in my notebook." "What are you writing?" "All of the witty and clever things that I say all the time." "Oh? [rolling eyes] How nice. Like what?" "Umm...err...Darn it, I can't be clever under pressure!" It just seems so self-absorbed and strange, and stopping to write them down would break the flow of normal conversation that allows the sort of . So instead I've decided to hire an assistant to do it for me: This job requires following me around with a notebook and pen (which will be provided), recording anything that should be considered for publication, and occasionally making slight "active listening" murmurs, tilting the head to one side, and smirking with a slight hint of self satisfaction. Compensation is predicated on eventual publication, and will be 40% of all book revenue paid to myself. This position may require travel, no relocation allowances are available. Please send resume, references, and with a cover letter highlighting your qualifications to the comment section below.

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